I Try To Walk Away And I Stumble

“…Though I try to hide it, it’s clear
My world crumbles when you are not near…”

Raise your hand if you were as in love with that Macy Gray song as I was. If I were old enough to drive when that particular tune made its way on to the music scene, it would have been my “windows-down-hair-down” go-to.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation you knew wasn’t comfortable or good for you by any stretch of the imagination, and whenever you tried to walk away, you couldn’t do it?

The past couple of months have been fantastic. Although I was weighed down by stress toward the end of the semester, Winter Break came at the perfect time. Things seemed just fine, and they were. They are, in fact. There was one thing missing from my life and that was God.

God was, is, and will be there for the rest of my days on this earth, but for those weeks I went without as much as a simple prayer had a tremendous effect on me. I was being pulled in every direction by distractions I began to create for myself. What it boiled down to was my concern for the coming semester and the inevitable job search. Every worry of mine went acknowledged and I decided I was in the position to “fix” myself.

It only took being back in Arizona for a week before I knew I needed to be around encouraging friends at church. One sermon and my heart was back in action. It’s a powerful feeling when God is speaking to you through someone else and that’s precisely what happened that evening. I had drifted too far, I felt. My mind was ready to solve my problems instead of handing them over to God, which I was so afraid to do after a period of distracted living. I tried to hide it and my world was crumbling, or so I thought.

My world wasn’t crumbling in the slightest, but God was excited to have my attention again. All he wants is a relationship with us – to talk to us every day, care for us, provide us with beautiful blessings by way of a gracious and loving heart.

So often I find we try to walk away from a distracted lifestyle and we continue to stumble, over and over again. Maybe we’ll do everything we can to hide the fact that we aren’t where we feel we should be in our personal relationship with God and our world seems to crumble. Fear in making the leap to speak with God again about the things we know haven’t honored him is a legitimate feeling. I’ve felt it. Many times. The greatest news is, we’re forgiven. As the worst of sinners, we were forgiven and will continue to be as we pray and work through trials of life in order to honor our Father. This is the most beautiful love we’ll ever know!

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:37-39

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